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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613330">Kill me with your touch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamnana/pseuds/icecreamnana'>icecreamnana</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drug metaphors, M/M, Open Ending, jaemin finds it hard to be strong, jeno cant let go, nomin exes, references to toxic relationship, sleeping together after breaking up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:29:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamnana/pseuds/icecreamnana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite being broken up, Jeno just can't stop sleeping round Jaemin's house every night. And Jaemin just doesn't have it in him to stop it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kill me with your touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is inspired by the song 'Kill me with your touch,' so give it a listen.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeno knew he shouldn’t be here. Every time he came round he told himself it would be the last, the last time he’d see him, touch him, fuck him, but every time he always came back, like an addict looking for his fix. If you asked Jeno if he was an addict for Na Jaemin, Jeno would probably say yes. He’d never wanted them to break up because he knew he’d never be able to let go. Not of Jaemin, not of a love like they had, not of what he believed they still had. </p><p>Jaemin didn’t even greet Jeno anymore when he opened the door to the apartment they used to share together. He knew what the other wanted, and he was always quick to give it to him. Letting Jeno spread his legs and fuck into him like all they ever had and all they ever will have is love, but its not what they have anymore. It’s not what Jaemin feels, anyway.</p><p>Highschool sweethearts, everyone thought they’d either break up in college or get married. They did neither, lasting a lot longer than anyone believed they could, and possibly a lot longer than they should have. Jaemin’s hands burned into Jeno’s skin, and without his daily fix he’d go insane, his whole body would shake violently and he’d cry and cry until he’d force himself to do what all his friends told him not to do, and land right back in Jaemin’s bed. Their bed. </p><p>Jeno must be a masochist, he said, and his friends had laughed bitter-sweetly at his comment, knowing all too well to explore the idea that no, he wasn’t a masochist, he was just a fool in love who refused to let go of someone who had let go of him far too long ago.</p><p>“I don’t want to keep doing this to you, Jeno.” Jaemin sighed as the pair sat at the window, a cigarette in his mouth, a blanket loosely around his waist. Jeno didn’t like it when Jaemin tried to stop their arrangement. It was easier to continue because then it gave Jeno hope he could fix what they had. They exclusively only slept with each other, it was the same as before, except everything was different. Everything that Jeno wouldn’t admit to. </p><p>“Then stop me.” Jeno replied monotonously, puffing smoke out, unable to shake the bad habit he’d picked up from Jaemin in the last few months of their relationship. If Jeno knew any better, he’d know Jaemin wouldn’t stop it. Part of Jaemin would always have love for Jeno, he was his first everything after all, and seeing the other in pain hurt him too. Perhaps that’s why he’d kept the relationship going much longer than he’d have really wanted to. His friends told him to be selfish. Jaemin didn’t like that word.</p><p>“Let’s just get back together.” Jeno stated abruptly, putting out the cigarette and flicking the ashes out the window. Sighing heavily, Jaemin drew his eyes away from the window and into Jeno’s eyes. Jaemin hated looking him in the eye, not when he gave him a look so sorrowful Jaemin might even consider it just to keep Jeno happy even though he was far from happy.</p><p>“You know we can’t do that.” Jaemin inhaled his cigarette deeply, his eyes glossing over, desiring to get lost in the feeling. Too many months of unspoken truths between them had led to the breakup in the first place. Jaemin hadn’t been happy for a long time. </p><p>“Why? We still see each other every day, it’s pointless not to.” </p><p>Jaemin let out an exasperated chuckle, casting his eyes outwards towards the city. The lights glimmered weakly in the distance, reflecting on Jaemin’s eyes. His eyes narrowed, heart racing. He really hated confrontation and yet he let himself fall victim to it every night.</p><p>“It’s not the same.” </p><p>“Why not?” Jeno replied insistently, his eyes almost begging. It was now or never. Jaemin had been holding off on it. Jeno had cried and begged Jaemin not to do this when he initially told him he wanted to end it, and Jaemin didn’t have the heart back then to rub more salt into the wound. But his soft spot for Jeno was getting too overwhelming now and he was unable to try to come to terms with everything and try and move on.</p><p>“Because I don’t love you anymore.”</p><p>Jeno felt his world shatter around him. Jaemin had been his everything, his lifeline, his sun, his reason for living, and perhaps that was why Jaemin felt so overbeared, shutting down the light and putting out the flame of their love. </p><p>Jeno said nothing. He just cried. Jaemin didn’t have it in him anymore to comfort him. He didn’t want to hurt Jeno, but not hurting Jeno meant hurting himself and he couldn’t do it anymore. It was over. This was it. Jaemin couldn’t keep watering a dead flower, or adding fuel to Jeno’s flicker of hope that they could possibly get back together. </p><p>“Can we just stay friends?” Jeno sobbed after a while. Jaemin knew what he meant by that. He meant this. He meant seeing Jaemin every day, holding his hand, kissing him, touching him, fucking him, killing him with his touch. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Jeno wailed and practically screamed, and if Jaemin hadn’t been so caught up in the moment he’d have worried about what the neighbours would’ve thought. But right now he didn’t care. He didn’t know what to do. Before, if Jeno got like this, he’d wrap his arms around him, telling him it would be alright and that he was there for him. But Jaemin wasn’t there for him anymore. He needed to be there for himself first.</p><p>“Why are you saying this?” Jeno cried, his voice cracking. He did his best to catch Jaemin’s eye, trying his hand at convincing him and manipulating him into staying. Jaemin had had enough. </p><p>“Because it’s true. And it’s not good for you to keep coming here when it’s over.” Jaemin’s voice was shaking now, his heart aching painfully. Seeing Jeno like this would be enough to reduce him to a mess usually, but he had to be strong. For himself, he had to be stronger. They needed to let each other go.</p><p>“I think I’m going to go.” Jeno smiled softly after a while, wiping away his tears. Jaemin saw the look in his eye and knew exactly what it meant. Jeno didn’t believe him. And Jeno would be back the next day unless Jaemin was explicitly clear to him that he could not and should not come back. </p><p>“Okay.” But as strong as Jaemin wanted to be, there was still that nagging voice in the back of his head that perhaps he did still love him, perhaps he didn’t want this to end. If he did, he would be more insistent in Jeno leaving and not returning. The idea of Jeno not returning caused Jaemin’s stomach to twist uncomfortably and his heart to cry out to him. </p><p>Jaemin felt weak.</p><p>“See you later, Jaemin.” Jeno sighed, pulling Jaemin in for a hug. As Jeno made his way out through the door, Jaemin turned to lock it, collapsing on the floor once it was closed. </p><p>Jaemin felt suffocated by his own emotions as well as Jeno’s and all the events that had occurred that night. Every time Jeno came round, Jaemin wanted it to be the last time, he truly did, but that one part of him, that ugly and feeble part of his heart that wanted the security and love of Jeno wouldn’t let him go.</p><p>Jeno was killing Jaemin with his touch, and it really fucking hurt, but Jaemin could never get enough.</p>
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